jokes

Jokes

Two cannibals were eating a clown. One cannibal looked at the other cannibal and said, "Do you taste something funny?"

 

 

A duck walked into a pharmacy to buy some chapstick (lip balm).

The clerk asked, "Will that be cash or credit?"

The duck replied, "You can just put it on my bill."

 

 

Two muffins were baking in an oven. One muffin looked at the other and said, "Hey man, is it getting hot in here?"  The other muffin said, "Ahhhhh!  You can talk!"

 

Why is 6 afraid of 7?

Because 7 ate 9 (7 8 9).

 

A couple of hunters are out in the woods when one of them falls to the ground. He doesn't seem to be breathing; his eyes are rolled back in his head. The other hunter whips out his cell phone and calls the emergency services. He gasps to the operator, "My friend is dead! What can I do?" The operator, in a calm soothing voice, says, "Just take it easy. I can help. First, let's make sure he's dead." There is a silence, and then a shot is heard. The hunter's voice comes back on the line. He says, "OK, now what?"

 

A woman carrying a baby gets on a bus. As she pays the fare, the bus driver looks at the baby and says, "Ugh! Lady, that's absolutely the ugliest baby I've ever seen." The woman is fuming. Still carrying the baby, she walks back toward the rear of the bus, finds an empty seat and sits down. She says to a man sitting next to her, "The bus driver was terribly rude to me when I got on. I've never been so insulted in all my life! I've got half a mind to tell him off." The man says, "And that's what you should do. Don't let him get away with insulting you. Walk right up there and let him know how you feel. Go ahead, I'll hold your monkey for you."

 

Patient: "Doctor, I think I'm suffering from memory loss." 
Doctor: "Have you ever had it before?"

 

Doctor: "What's wrong with your brother?" 
Boy: "He thinks he's a chicken."
Doctor: "Really? How long has he thought this?" 
Boy: "Three years."
Doctor: "Three years!"
Boy: "We would have brought him in sooner, but we needed the eggs."

Patient: "Something's wrong! I'm shrinking!" 
Doctor: "Take it easy, sir. You'll just have to be a little patient."

 

Why was the math book sad?
Because it had so many problems.

What did the numeral 0 say to the numeral 8?
Nice belt!

 

Which word does everyone always pronounce wrong?

"Wrong." :P

 

Why was the baby ant so confused?
Because all his uncles were aunts.

 

A guy yells across the river, "Hey, how do you get to the other side of this river?"
Another guy on the other side yells back, "You are on the other side!"

 

Can an elephant jump higher than a lamppost? 
Yes. Lampposts can't jump.

 

Where do you find a no-legged dog? 
Right where you left him.

 

A duck walks into a drugstore and says, "Gimme some Chapstick and put it on my bill."

نام مشاغل به زبان انگلیسی

نام مشاغل به زبان انگلیسی


Meaning

Jobs

Meaning

Jobs

ماشین نویس

Typist

مدیر مدرسه‌

Principal

اسیابان‌

 Miller

پزشک

Physician

کارشناس اینترنت

Webmaster

رقاص

Dancer

امارگیر

Actuary

بایگان‌، ضابط

Archivist

مفسر

Interpreter

دریا نورد، بحر پیما

Seafarer

قبر کن

Undertaker

کارفرما

Employer

کشیش

Priest

معاون

Assistant

کتاب فروش

Bookseller

دیپلمات

Diplomat

ناشر

Publisher

کارگاه

Detective

نانوا

Baker

بخشدار

Demarche

مدیر

Manager

کارمند

Employee

فرماندار

Governor

خیاط زنانه

Dress maker

صندوقدار

Cashier

منشی

Receptionist

هواشناس

Weatherman

خدمتکار زن

Maid

تعمیرکار

Repairman

چوپان

Shepherd/Rancher

کشاورز

Farmer

باغدار

Gardener

هنرمند

Artist

موذن

Muezzin

بانکدار

Banker

ساربان

Cameleer

آهنگر

Blacksmith

آشپز

Cook

رئیس

Boss

دندان پزشک

Dentist

سر تیپ

Brigadier

نجار

Carpenter

سرایدار

Caretaker

خانه دار

Housekeeper

کارمند

Clerk

شورا

Council

مربی ( ورزشی )

Coach

نویسنده

Writer/Author

سرهنگ

Colonel

گارسون

Waiter

غواص

Diver

استاد

Professor

دکتر

Doctor

فروشنده

Seller

دربان

Doorman

شیشه بر

Glass maker

مدیر مرد

Headmaster

مدیرزن

Headmistress

سبزی و میوه فروش

Green grocery

زن خانه دار

House wife

نگهبان

Guard

نقاش ساختمان

Painter

آتش نشان

Firefighter/fireman

قایقران

Boatman

قاضی

Judge

ماهیگیر

Fisherman

وکیل

Lawyer

رفتگر

Street sweeper

کارگر

Worker

وزیر

Minister

شهردار

Mayor

خلبان

Pilot

معدنچی

Miner

کمک خلبان

Copilot

پرستار

Nurse

آرایشگر مرد

Barber

افسر

Officer

روحانی

Clergy man

عکاس

Photographer

متخصص

Specialist

لوله کش

Plumber

فوتبالیست

Footballer

بازیگر

Player

قصاب

Butcher

باربر

Porter

ساعت ساز

Watchman

رئیس جمهور

President

بقال

Grocer

رهبر

Leader

تلفنچی

Operator

نخست وزیر

Prime minister

تاجر

Merchant

روانشناس

Psychologist

چشم پزشک/ عینکساز

Optician/Optometrist

گزارشگر

Reporter

خطاط

Calligrapher

بازنشسته

Retired

جنگلبان

Forester

مجسمه ساز

Sculptor

معلم

Teacher

گروهبان

Sergeant

مهندس

Engineer

جراح

Surgeon

راننده

Driver

مغازه دار

Shopkeeper

خواننده

Singer

سرباز

Soldier

سخنران

Speaker

سفالگر

potter

جوشکار

Welder

جهانگرد

Tourist

بساز بفروش

Jerry builder

معمار

Architect

بنا

Mason

گل فروش

Florist

دلال

stockbroker

آهنگ ساز

Composer

پرستار بچه

Babysitter

مترجم

Translator

محیط شناس

Ecologist

روزنامه نگار

Journalist

داروفروش

Pharmacist

پستچی

Postman

کلانتر

Sheriff

کفاش

Shoemaker

شکارچی

Hunter

کارگر ساختمان

Construction worker

حسابدار

Accountant

گوینده

Announcer

گوینده خبر

News announcer

کارگردان

Director

شاعر

Poet

رهبر ارکتسر

Conductor

پیشخدمت

Servant

نظامی

Army

نا خدا

Captain

فرماندار

Governor

خیاط زنانه

Dress maker

دانش آموز

Student

خیاط مردانه

Tailor

تعمیرکار

Repairman

چوپان

Shepherd/Rancher

اقتصاد دان

Economist

مهماندار هواپیما

flight attendant

دانشمند

scientist

پژوهشگر

Researcher

رانده کامیون

Truck driver

هنر پیشه زن

Actress

آذین گر

Decorator

هنر پیشه مرد

Actor

داور

Referee

ویراستار، سر دبیر

Editor

سرآشپز

Chef

دامپزشک

Veterinarian

نقشه بردار

Surveyor

موسیقیدان

Musician

ملوان

sailor

 

 

knock on wood or touch wood

“Knock on wood” is an expression that is often used by English speakers, but it is a very unique phrase.  This phrase basically means ‘I hope so’ or ‘if all goes well’.  Knock on wood is a spoken phrase (it is generally not written) and it is an expression used to express a desire to avoid ‘tempting fate’ or to keep something bad from happening.  This phrase is said most often after a person makes a boast* or expresses a hope or desire.  When a person says this phrase they usually knock on something that is made of wood, or any hard surface that is near by.

Here are some examples of how this phrase might be used:

“I think I am finally feeling better – knock on wood.”

“I won’t be late for work again tomorrow – knock on wood.”

“Are your parents paying for you guys to go to France again this summer?”  “Knock on wood!”

 The origin of this phrase comes from old English folklore.  Apparently a long time ago people in England went into the isolated woods to talk privately and tell secrets and they “knocked” on the trees (and trees are made of wood) when they were talking to hide their communication from evil spirits who might make trouble.  The people knocked on wood to keep the spirits from hearing them and keep the good things they wanted to happen from being disrupted.  Another version of this folklore states an almost opposite understanding of the action of knocking on wood.  This other version holds that the act of knocking on trees was to wake up the spirits to make them listen so they could work in favor of a specific request or secret.

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7. گروه سازی و ترکیب و مقایسه منابع و مطالب

حدیث عربی و فارسی و انگلیسی

 

در این پست بنا به درخواست بعضی از دوستان نزدیک به هزار حدیث با ترجمه ی حدیث عربی و فارسی و انگلیسی براتون قرار دادیم.

ست ‌داشتنی‌های دنیا
حضرت فاطمه (سلام‌ الله‌ علیها):

حُبِّبَ إلیَّ مِنْ دُنْیاکُمْ ثَلاثٌ : تلاوَةُ کِتابِ اللهِ وَالنَّظَرُ فی وَجْهِ رَسولِ اللهِ وَالإنْفاقُ فی سَبیلِ اللهِ
از دنیای شما سه چیز را دوست دارم : تلاوت قرآن، نگاه به چهرۀ رسول خدا (ص) و انفاق در راه خدا

Three things of this world fascinate me: reading the Ķurān, looking at the Prophet’s face, and alms-giving in the way of Allah.

نهج‌الحیاه،‌ ح 164

برای دیدن 1000 حدیث دیگر بر روی ادامه مطلب کلیک کنید

ادامه مطلب ...

dictionary


این دیکشنری یکی از قوی ترن دیکشنری ها موجود می باشد که توانای ترجمه انگلیسی به فارسی و فارسی به انکلیسی را دارا می باشد.

ادامه مطلب ...

روز های هفته به 7 زبان مختلف

 
جمعه پنج شنبه , چهار شنبه , سه شنبه ,دو شنبه ,یک شنبه ,شنبه  فارسی 
saturday sunday monday tuesday wednesday thursday friday انگلیسی 
samedi dimanche lundi mardi mercredi jeudi vendredi French فرانسوی 
Samstag Sonntag Montag Dienstag Mittwoch Donnerstag Freitag German آلمانی 
Sobota,NIEDZIELA PONIEDZIAŁEK WTOREK ŚRODA CZWARTEK PIĄTEK Polish لهستانی 
sabato domenica lunedì martedì mercoledì giovedì venerdì Italian ایتالیاییی 
sábado domingo lunes martes miércoles jueves viernes Spain & portugal اسپانیایی و پرتغالی

English poem

Dearest creature in creation,
Study English pronunciation.
I will teach you in my verse
Sounds like corpse, corps, horse, and worse.
I will keep you, Suzy, busy,
Make your head with heat grow dizzy.
Tear in eye, your dress will tear.
So shall I! Oh hear my prayer.

Just compare heart, beard, and heard,
Dies and diet, lord and word,
Sword and sward, retain and Britain.
(Mind the latter, how it's written.)
Now I surely will not plague you
With such words as plaque and ague.
But be careful how you speak:
Say break and steak, but bleak and streak;
Cloven, oven, how and low,
Script, receipt, show, poem, and toe.

Hear me say, devoid of trickery,
Daughter, laughter, and Terpsichore,
Typhoid, measles, topsails, aisles,
Exiles, similes, and reviles;
Scholar, vicar, and cigar,
Solar, mica, war and far;
One, anemone, Balmoral,
Kitchen, lichen, laundry, laurel;
Gertrude, German, wind and mind,
Scene, Melpomene, mankind.

Billet does not rhyme with ballet,
Bouquet, wallet, mallet, chalet.
Blood and flood are not like food,
Nor is mould like should and would.
Viscous, viscount, load and broad,
Toward, to forward, to reward.
And your pronunciation's OK
When you correctly say croquet,
Rounded, wounded, grieve and sieve,
Friend and fiend, alive and live.

Ivy, privy, famous; clamour
And enamour rhyme with hammer.
River, rival, tomb, bomb, comb,
Doll and roll and some and home.
Stranger does not rhyme with anger,
Neither does devour with clangour.
Souls but foul, haunt but aunt,
Font, front, wont, want, grand, and grant,
Shoes, goes, does. Now first say finger,
And then singer, ginger, linger,
Real, zeal, mauve, gauze, gouge and gauge,
Marriage, foliage, mirage, and age.

Query does not rhyme with very,
Nor does fury sound like bury.
Dost, lost, post and doth, cloth, loth.
Job, nob, bosom, transom, oath.
Though the differences seem little,
We say actual but victual.
Refer does not rhyme with deafer.
Foeffer does, and zephyr, heifer.
Mint, pint, senate and sedate;
Dull, bull, and George ate late.
Scenic, Arabic, Pacific,
Science, conscience, scientific.

Liberty, library, heave and heaven,
Rachel, ache, moustache, eleven.
We say hallowed, but allowed,
People, leopard, towed, but vowed.
Mark the differences, moreover,
Between mover, cover, clover;
Leeches, breeches, wise, precise,
Chalice, but police and lice;
Camel, constable, unstable,
Principle, disciple, label.

Petal, panel, and canal,
Wait, surprise, plait, promise, pal.
Worm and storm, chaise, chaos, chair,
Senator, spectator, mayor.
Tour, but our and succour, four.
Gas, alas, and Arkansas.
Sea, idea, Korea, area,
Psalm, Maria, but malaria.
Youth, south, southern, cleanse and clean.
Doctrine, turpentine, marine.

Compare alien with Italian,
Dandelion and battalion.
Sally with ally, yea, ye,
Eye, I, ay, aye, whey, and key.
Say aver, but ever, fever,
Neither, leisure, skein, deceiver.
Heron, granary, canary.
Crevice and device and aerie.

Face, but preface, not efface.
Phlegm, phlegmatic, ass, glass, bass.
Large, but target, gin, give, verging,
Ought, out, joust and scour, scourging.
Ear, but earn and wear and tear
Do not rhyme with here but ere.
Seven is right, but so is even,
Hyphen, roughen, nephew Stephen,
Monkey, donkey, Turk and jerk,
Ask, grasp, wasp, and cork and work.

Pronunciation -- think of Psyche!
Is a paling stout and spikey?
Won't it make you lose your wits,
Writing groats and saying grits?
It's a dark abyss or tunnel:
Strewn with stones, stowed, solace, gunwale,
Islington and Isle of Wight,
Housewife, verdict and indict.

Finally, which rhymes with enough --
Though, through, plough, or dough, or cough?
Hiccough has the sound of cup.
My advice is to give up!